Conversations of Chemistry
by Cristofle
Summary: Set after The End of Innocence Marissa and Ryan talk first with Summer and Seth respectively about their first time, then talk with each other about the change in their relationship. Story completed.
1. Chapter 1

**Conversations of Chemistry**

_Disclaimer: Josh Schwartz and co. own everything; I'm merely borrowing these characters for the sake of my own amusement. Please don't sue me; I'm just a broke college student!_

_Author's note: Don't worry, I haven't given up on Reading Between The Lines. I plan to finish it over the show's hiatus. I'm just so enthralled over S3 Ryan/Marissa that I had to take a break and focus on that for a bit. This story is largely fluff, with just a little bit of angst tossed in for good measure. Fluffy with RM is generally somewhat less realistic than angst, so as always I apologize for any out of character behavior. Also, I am really not used to writing for Seth and Summer as characters. I find Seth to be borderline impossible to write fanfiction for (it's out of respect for Seth, trust me), so I apologize in advance if I got him all wrong. I have to say, before S3 even I would have thought Ryan being this whipped was a little crazy, but let's face it: he's GONE for the girl this season. For this first chapter, know that I am in NO WAY suggesting sex is a fix-it for attempted rape. It's not. At all. It takes time, therapy, understanding...a whole lot of things. However, I think it IS good to eventually be reminded that sex is not inherently a bad thing, and I think Ryan was able to do that for Marissa. The rating is probably paranoid as I can't write smut to save my life (I love to read it but any time I try to write it I just bust out laughing), but I like to be on the safe side. Sex talk/alluding to sex is fairly tame, but it IS there._

_Summary: Marissa and Ryan talk with Summer and Seth respectively about their first time making love, eventually talking about it themselves which leads to more than just talking!_

Marissa exited her mother's room, rubbing her forehead tiredly. Her mother had finally fallen asleep; she'd tried to insist to Marissa that she would be okay, but Marissa was worried about her. She'd never seen her mother quite so alone, vulnerable, and heartbroken.

She wandered down to the living room and her exhausted frown faded into a smile when she spotted Summer asleep on the couch. Sometimes it struck her just how lucky she was to have such a loyal friend. "Sum," she said gently, walking over to shake her shoulder. "Sum, wake up."

Summer sleepily stirred. "Cohen, if you talk about your detention one more time…" she muttered, then her eyes fluttered open and she took in her surroundings. "Oh. I must have fallen asleep," she yawned.

"You didn't have to stay here," Marissa said, playfully ruffling her hair as she sat down next to her. "Although I'm glad you did."

"Where else am I gonna be?" Summer protested, leaning in to enfold Marissa in a hug. "Sweetie, I'm so sorry about your dad."

"Me, too," Marissa sighed, gratefully accepting the hug and resting her head on Summer's shoulder. "I'm not really angry at him, except for hurting my mom the way he did. I guess he's just…not cut out for all this. I think I was expecting it on some level," she admitted. "I don't think I ever totally trusted him after the last time. I was surprised at how I WASN'T surprised, you know? It was almost like I was waiting for it without realizing it."

"As long as you're okay," Summer said skeptically. "I am available for endless chocolate binges and chick flick marathons if need be."

Marissa laughed. "I may take you up on that, but I AM okay. I promise. I still have my mom, I've got you, and Ryan's been incredible." There was a length pause and she frowned in confusion at Summer's conspicuous silence. "Sum?" she asked, lifting her head. "What's up?"

Summer bit her lip. "Okay, so I told myself I wasn't going to bug you about this because of your dad, but I'm dying here, Coop!"

"Dying about what?" Marissa asked blankly.

Summer flushed a little. "Well…so Cohen and I were taking down the hut this morning and gathering all the stuff up…" she leaned down and reached into her bag- pulling out an empty condom wrapper.

Marissa groaned. "Oh my God," she muttered, burying her suddenly flushed face in her hands and climbing off the couch.

Oh no, you can NOT leave me hanging like that!" Summer insisted, scurrying up after her. "This door has been opened. I need details! I heard the word incredible."

"Summer!" Marissa protested. "Come on, give me a break."

"Coop! This is, like, epic! You two have two years of sexual tension leading up to this," Summer pointed out and Marissa groaned again. "You can't just not tell me!"

Even as she blushed, Marissa's mind flashed back to the night before. The feel of Ryan's skin against her hands as she'd taken off his tank top…the look in his eyes as he'd laid her down on the bed…the touch of his hand as he'd run it up her thigh…their lips and tongues meeting in a way that was finally unrestrained after two years of holding back so "they wouldn't go too far"…the way he'd felt inside of her. Her face got warm for an entirely different reason from just the memory of it; it was as if last night had made her somehow a different person.

"Don't EVEN think I can't read that expression on your face right now!" Summer squealed. "It was hot, wasn't it? Tell me how hot it was."

"Summer…" heaving an exasperated, embarrassed sigh, Marissa knew she wasn't getting out of this conversation. She allowed herself a small smile before she turned to face Summer; no reason she couldn't have fun with this as well. "I'm sorry we left that there," she said nonchalantly, breezing past Summer into the kitchen. "I thought we got them all."

"Oh, who CARES if you left-" Summer stopped dead. "ALL of them?" she repeated dumbly, then flew into the kitchen after her. Marissa stifled a giggle as she pulled a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. "Marissa! Hello? You can't leave it at that!"

"It was good enough to go back more than once, isn't that enough for you?" Marissa teased.

"Hell no!" Summer said adamantly. "If it was good enough to do more than once in one night, we haven't even gotten started yet." She grabbed Marissa's hand and dragged her over to the table. "We're talking details, Coop. How many times? How hot was it? How many times did he make you…"

"SUMMER!" Marissa protested in horror, her amusement fading back into embarrassment.

"Come on," Summer cajoled. "I've been waiting for this forever. You and I don't have secrets."

"Apparently, we don't have boundaries, either," Marissa muttered, closing her eyes and shaking her head at the ceiling.

Summer sighed. "Okay," she relented. "We won't get quite so detailed- yet." Marissa shot her a warning glare and she held up her hands defensively. "Fine, fine!" Her teasing manner faded. "So seriously, Coop. This is a big deal. Were you…like scared or anything? Did it live up to what you imagined? It seems like you and Ryan are closer instead of further apart."

Marissa's face softened into a gentle smile; Summer wondered if she was aware how obvious it was that she was head over heels in love, if she knew how much better and more beautiful she looked when Ryan made her smile like that. "It definitely isn't something that could ever make us further apart," she giggled a little. "It was….it was incredible. I guess I was a little scared at first," she admitted. "I thought I was leaving and there's been so much between us, not the least of all Trey. Plus he has more experience than I do; I don't think I was worried about him so much as me. It all faded away as soon as…" she blushed a little "…got into it, though." She smiled happily again, hugging herself. "It's so different when it's someone you love. It's such a totally different experience."

"What about Trey?" Summer asked hesitantly, unsure if she should bring that up but worried for her friend nonetheless. "Was that ever a…"

Marissa frowned, looking faintly bemused. "It actually wasn't at all. I was worried all summer that it would be, you know? That we'd reach a certain point and I'd freak out. I'd make him feel bad, I'd be scared myself, and we'd be ten steps back. I think he was afraid of the same thing; we'd reach a certain point in kissing and just stop. I think I got some closure with Trey when he woke up, though. I saw him in that hospital bed and he wasn't a monster so much as a broken kid. I don't know if I'll ever forgive him or totally get past what he did to me, but it doesn't…swallow me the way it used to."

"Oh sweetie." Summer reached out to touch her hand. "I'm glad. You deserve better than to be eaten up by that."

Marissa smiled gratefully at her. "You know….I actually think this helped? It sounds so weird, I know. I just…I think I needed to remember this is something that's supposed to be good."

"No, that makes sense," Summer nodded. "I think it's good you guys waited awhile; you needed to get past the trauma. But I also think it's good you had an experience that made you remember it can be good instead of scary."

Marissa giggled and blushed. "I didn't even know how good it could be," she admitted, surprising even herself at how she couldn't keep this in."

"NOW we're talking," Summer said in approval. "God, Coop. You two on the beach will all that sexual tension between you…that is SO hot! I knew when you weren't like this with Luke, it couldn't have been all that. I knew you WERE going to be like this with Ryan."

"It's not just that it was hot- I mean, it WAS hot." Both girls dissolved into giggles and it took Marissa a minute to compose herself. "It was just…more than that. I said it before, it was SO different than anything else I've done. It meant so much more; I really do think it brought us closer. I don't even think I understood about that; if there's one thing that isn't completely horrible about what my dad did, it's that I don't have to leave. Not that I'm glad," Marissa explained hastily. "I just…I really would have had a harder time than I even imagined leaving Ryan."

"It makes sense that it would be different," Summer pointed out gently. "You're in love with him. That always makes things different. Did you two talk about this?'

Marissa shrugged. "We didn't really have a chance, I guess. My dad woke us up by calling me this morning to…you know." She shrugged painfully.

"Buzzkill, huh?" Summer said sympathetically, in that unique way that was only hers to profoundly understate something and make it endearing nonetheless. "What are you waiting for? I can stay here just in case your mom like has a meltdown or something. You do have HBO On Demand, after all," she said lightly.

"Are you sure?" Marissa asked gratefully, getting up from the table. "I really appreciate that."

"Go! Shoo! Get thee to your boyfriend," Summer said, waving her hands. "Can I just ask you, though…how big?"

"SUMMER!" Marissa exploded.

"Marissa!" Summer whined. "You know you'd be curious if you were in my shoes. You gotta give me something to work with here!"

Marissa rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Use your imagination." A small grin tugged at her lips. "You tend to have high expectations; you just might be right." With that, she turned and left the kitchen, heading for the door. The last thing she heard was Summer's "I KNEW it!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Conversations of Chemistry Chapter Two**

Ryan ran a tired hand over his face as he headed towards the pool house. It had been a long day. In both bad, good, and better than good ways, but a long day nonetheless. He was looking forward to a nice, quiet…

…evening with Seth. He sighed heavily as he entered the pool house to find Seth sitting in one of the easy chairs, giving him a smile that could only mean trouble. "What's up, man?" he asked wearily, heading for his bed and flopping on it.

"Well, Ryan. It occurs to me we haven't really gotten a chance to talk today…" Ryan lifted himself up on his elbows and raised his eyebrows skeptically at him. "…other than that time earlier where we talked about what happened with me and the dean," Seth added hastily. "But I just don't feel like we got enough good Seth/Ryan time in, you know?"

"What do you want, Seth?" Ryan tiredly asked the ceiling, knowing it was pointless to say anything else.

"Do you have to sound so cynical?" Seth protested. "I just wanted to, you know, talk about our days, maybe about the family, about how you and Marissa had sex last night…"

Ryan came up in his bed like a springboard. "What did you just say?" he asked dumbly.

Seth was smirking, clearly enjoying the reaction he'd gotten. "I hate to tell you this dude, but you and Marissa left a little something behind last night." When Ryan still looked blank, he elaborated. "Like a condom wrapper."

"Crap," Ryan groaned, falling back on his bed. It wasn't his version of ideal to talk about this with Seth- and he had no doubt Marissa was getting the same treatment from Summer- before they even talked about it with each other, but he'd have better luck trying to outrun a bullet now that Seth was on topic. "I can't believe it took you this long," he muttered.

"Hey, I made an attempt to respect your privacy at first," Seth claimed. Ryan shot him a Look. "Fine. You asked me about me and you know I'm powerless against that. But I'm not being detracted now!"

"Seth…" Ryan sighed. "Come on, man. This is Marissa. I'm not going to brag like she's some piece of ass I bagged."

"I take offense to that!" Seth said defensively. "Summer is more than that too and I tell you stuff."

"You volunteer that information," Ryan pointed out dryly. "I don't ask for it."

"I wouldn't have to ask if you volunteered," Seth said wisely. Ryan simply shook his head; he should have expected that response. "Dude, come on! In all seriousness, this is a REALLY big deal. It's a big step for you two; you've waited a long time."

"I know it's a big deal," Ryan conceded, sitting all the way up again. "It's…it's Marissa. For any experience I've had, I've never done anything like this before. It's never mattered this much."

"So?" Seth prompted. "Man, you don't have to give me stats but give me something. How was it?"

Unbidden, flashbacks of the night before slammed into Ryan. The knowledge that they weren't going to stop this time hitting him like a fist in the gut…how his hands had been shaking slightly as she first took his wife beater off, then he'd returned the favor to her tank top…lowering himself to the bed and feeling the warmth of her skin completely against his for the first time…the touch and taste of parts of her body he'd only fantasized about before…the feel of her lips against his own, his chest, and his neck…the way it had felt to be inside of her.

"Dude," Seth said, impressed. Ryan snapped out of his stupor. "That good, huh?"

Ryan grinned in spite of himself. "Yes, it was good," he admitted. "It was really good."

Seth raised his eyebrows. "Wow. As the wise Sanford Cohen once said, really good for you is like singing from the tree tops." He tapped his fingers against the arm of the chair. "So…how many times?"

"You said no stats," Ryan snapped back at him.

"Come on, that question is TAME," Seth insisted. "You can't even give me that much?"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "More than once, okay? Happy?"

Seth chuckled in satisfaction. "Couldn't get enough of you? Good for…" he trailed off at Ryan's warning glare. "Okay, next topic," he said quickly. "So…I mean, where are you guys now? I mean, she's staying in town now, so you guys are still in the same place. That's something."

Thank God. Marissa had fallen asleep quickly after their last marathon, contentedly curling up in his arms. He'd stayed awake most of the night just watching her, his heart aching. How was he supposed to say good-bye to her now? He'd never felt anything remotely like what he felt for her, and he'd never allowed himself to even feel so much for HER until now. He hadn't regretted what they'd done for a second, but deep down he knew it opened flood gates he couldn't shut. He was completely, totally in love with this girl. There was no turning back now for any reason, not even a little. He'd twisted himself up so many different ways about a long distance relationship in those few short hours, at one point wildly considering actually going to Hawaii with her, that a small, selfish part of him had been relieved when it was clear that wasn't happening. He hated to see her hurting. He hated to see her faith in her father further shattered. But when she'd made it clear that she was okay, that she was stronger than maybe even she had given herself credit for, he hadn't been able to breathe a sigh of relief that she wouldn't be leaving after all, that they could go back to their original plan of sticking together this last year of high school. "No, it is good," Ryan admitted. "Not that her dad hurt her again, but that she's not leaving."

"So have you guys talked or anything?" Seth asked curiously. "You said you know this is a big deal."

Ryan shrugged. "When would we have? Jimmy literally woke us up calling Marissa and that understandably took up a lot of her attentions. I don't want to bug her or her mom tonight." As badly as he wanted to see her; he might as well accept that lack of sleep now. "I'll head over there in the morning."

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Seth advised him. Ryan gave him another Look and he relented. "Okay, you probably do a lot of things I haven't done and can't do, but you know what I mean. Good luck with that."

Ryan chuckled. "Thanks, man." He hoped he wouldn't need it.

* * *

Marissa went to enter the Cohen house the way she always did, but faltered at the last second. After everything that had gone down, she wasn't sure how she should behave there. Hesitantly, she rang the doorbell, praying Seth or Ryan would answer.

No such luck. "Marissa!" Sandy said in surprise as he opened the door. "I wasn't expecting to see you tonight. Come on in!" He opened the door wider for her to enter and she stepped past him into the foyer.

"Hi, Mr. Cohen," she said tentatively as he turned to face her.

Sandy sighed. "Marissa, you haven't called me that in years." His face softened. "I apologize if I made you feel badly when I told Ryan to stop seeing you; that wasn't my intention."

"No, no, it's cool," Marissa said hastily, not wanting to get into that conversation. "I get it. And there's also you graciously agreeing to let me stay in your house- and I blew you off."

Sandy chuckled. "I was actually impressed you turned him down," he admitted. "It showed a lot of maturity and guts on your part; that more than anything made me reconsider my stance on you two."

Marissa bit her lip. "I don't want him to mess up his life either, especially not for me. I want him to be okay, to have a good life."

"Ah, I know that," Sandy sighed again. "I think I jumped the gun a little there. You were an easy scapegoat; Ryan's issues with impulsive behavior go beyond you. Besides, I saw how upset he was when he thought you were leaving. It isn't going to do him any good to lose one more person he loves."

Marissa smiled in spite of herself at being included in the group of people Ryan loves by Sandy. "I could try to talk to him," she offered tentatively. "I don't want him doing anything like that for me again, either."

Sandy smiled. "So we're a team now? I'd like that."

Marissa giggled a little. "I guess. Team Ryan!"

Sandy laughed and reached out to hug her. "I hope you know you're always welcome in this house, especially in times like these. I'm sorry about your father."

"Me too," Marissa admitted, gratefully accepting the embrace.

"How's your mother?" he asked as he pulled away and walked with her further into the house.

Marissa shrugged. "Hard to say, really. She had a total meltdown when I first told her, but she calmed down after that. She's asleep now."

"And your father?" Sandy asked somewhat hesitantly.

Marissa looked down and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She knew there was a point Sandy and Jimmy had been close."I told him not to come back," she admitted painfully. "I wasn't angry or anything, I just can't do this anymore. And neither can Mom. He was in really bad shape. I don't even know what happened this time; I don't think I want to."

Sandy touched her back sympathetically, somehow proud of the way this girl had grown up in just a year. "I think you did the right thing, if that helps at all."

"Right thing about what?" Kirsten asked as she came down the stairs. "Oh, Marissa! I didn't know you were here."

Marissa blinked in surprise. "Kirsten!" she exclaimed. "Oh my God, I didn't even know you were back. It's good to see you."

Kirsten reached out to give her a hug. "It's good to see you too, sweetie. You look good, considering everything that's been going on."

Marissa just nodded a little uncomfortably; she didn't really feel right talking about the events of the summer with Kirsten right now. "I'm glad you're home," she said simply, and was thankfully saved from any further conversation when Seth and Ryan wandered into the room.

Ryan's face lit up when he saw her. "Hey," he grinned, walking over and putting a hand on her back. "I didn't think I'd see you tonight."

Marissa shrugged. "My mom's asleep; nothing I can do for her right now. This seemed like the place to be." Seth coughed conspicuously behind her and she looked over at him, realizing he was staring at her and smirking. She frowned at him in confusion until she realized he knew exactly what Summer knew. Closing her eyes in embarrassment, she wanted to sink into the floor. To her further horror, Sandy seemed to pick up on the vibe.

"Why don't you two go into the pool house and have some privacy?" he suggested kindly.

Ryan pounced on that opportunity. "Thanks. See you guys later," he said, practically dragging Marissa out of the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Conversations of Chemistry Chapter Three**

_A/N: I may or may not do an epilogue. I don't want to promise anything. For now, this is it. Also, the talk about protection is just in there because I'm boring and anal about how important itis to use protection.Enjoy!_

"Oh my God," Marissa moaned in embarrassment as she and Ryan walked into the pool house together. "Did you see Sandy? He so knows what Seth was doin-"

She was abruptly cut off when Ryan gently pinned her against the door she'd just shut, pressing his lips to hers. Taken aback for only a second, she quickly fell into the kiss and locked her hands behind his neck, enjoying the feel of his lips and his tongue against hers.

"Mmmm," Ryan murmured against her mouth, putting his hands on her waist and rubbing. "I didn't think I was going to get to do that tonight."

Marissa giggled. Everything felt strangely new between them, as if they had a different relationship now. It had been a long time since she'd put sex on any kind of pedestal; she'd come to think that was simply immature and that sex was a natural part of relationships. Not that it wasn't, but it made everything so different between her and Ryan. Everything was more intense now, more…free in some way. "Well, I'm glad I could prove you wrong."

Ryan wrapped an arm around her and she rested her head against his shoulder as they walked to the bed. "How's your mom?' he asked as he sat down on the bed and pulled her down with him, arranging them so she was sitting between his knees and resting against his chest.

Marissa shrugged tiredly. "As well as can be expected, I guess. She's heartbroken and she's scared, but she's pulled herself out of being in shock a little. She's sleeping now. Summer's over there just in case, but I think she'll be okay for the night."

"I'm sorry about all this," Ryan murmured, running his fingers through her hair. "You've been through a lot these past few months; you didn't need this on top of everything."

Marissa smiled and let her eyes flutter closed as his gentle hands soothed the headache that had been building all day. "I'll be okay. It could be worse. I still have Summer, I actually have my mom, and best of all I have you." She lifted her head to smile at him.

Ryan grinned back and kissed her gently. "I told you, we're sticking together this year."

Marissa snuggled her head in the crook of his shoulder and took one of his hands, lacing their fingers together. "So Kirsten's back home," she tentatively offered. Ryan had been fairly tight lipped about Kirsten all summer. Given all the Trey drama, she'd let it slide but she wondered if that was a mistake.

Ryan sighed, a faint frown unconsciously knitting his brow. His feelings about what had happened to Kirsten were still so jumbled inside of him that he didn't know what to do with them. More than anything, he just didn't want to be unhappy or resentful right now. He wanted to focus on her being home. "It's good," he said at length. "It's really good to have her home. I know there's probably more to it than that, but I don't want to deal with it tonight. I just want to be glad she's home." Marissa remained quiet and worried he'd been a little too abrupt, he softened his tone. "Besides, there are other things to focus on right now. Like you and me." The truth was, he really didn't want to focus on Kirsten with Marissa pressed against him the way she was. Knowing for the first time how it felt to be even closer than that.

Marissa was still momentarily startled by these new periods of openness with Ryan. She wasn't used to him talking so freely about their relationship when it used to be almost like pulling teeth, but it was a welcome change. "That's why I came here," she admitted. "My dad woke us up this morning, so we didn't really get a chance to deal with what happened." She laughed a little breathlessly. "I'm not exactly sure how to start this…"

"Do you regret it?" Ryan's question was asked so quickly and quietly, she almost didn't hear it over the roar of her own whirring thoughts.

"What?" she stuttered in shock at first. Regretting what had happened hadn't even crossed her mind. "Ryan, no," she assured him emphatically, moving closer in the hopes that her physical closeness could assure him of his sincerity. "Not for even a second. I could never regret what happened between us last night."

"Okay, good," Ryan sighed, releasing a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. His main concern had been that she had decided it wasn't the right time after all and would want to back off. "I didn't know if I'd pressured you or…"

"Ryan," Marissa laughed a little. "You were the one asking me if I was sure. I was the one already taking my clothes off." Ryan chuckled in sheer surprise; he was still a little bemused by her sudden playful streak. "I think it's safe to say you weren't doing the pressuring."

Ryan shook his head and tickled her side playfully before his smile faded. "That's not exactly what I mean. I don't know…" he trailed off, uncertain how to say it but unable to NOT know. "I didn't know if I…you know, scared you at any point." He looked down at the covers, unable to meet her eyes.

"Scared me?" Marissa repeated in confusion before understanding dawned. "Are you talking about Trey?"

Ryan closed his eyes briefly. He still couldn't let his mind go there for any length in time; it was too painful. Especially after last night, after what he'd shared with Marissa, he couldn't comprehend his brother so violently, carelessly hurting her the way he had. He was constantly torn between the love he'd always had for his brother and the constant unadulterated rage and horror at what Trey done to the girl he loved. "I know you've had some trouble with it before," he muttered in a low voice, still unable to look at her. "I wasn't even thinking last night that we were on the beach."

"Ryan…" Marissa said softly. When he still didn't raise his eyes, she reached out to lift up his chin. "Ryan, listen to me," she said firmly, looking into his conflicted blue eyes. "You didn't scare me last night. I didn't connect the beach to Trey any more than you did. I didn't even think about him last night, I swear. I thought earlier in the summer I might, I won't lie about that. I think we both backed off after a certain point because of that. But last night…it didn't even cross my mind." She stroked his face gently. "Trey wasn't there last night, Ryan. It was just you. Summer asked me about that too-" she smiled wryly at his bemused expression. "You trying to tell me Seth didn't pump you for information?"

Ryan raised his brows in a 'you're right' manner. "And?" he prompted, somewhat curious despite himself. It didn't seem like what she was going to say would be something that would totally kill him, so he wanted to know. "What about when Summer asked you?"

Marissa shrugged a little bashfully. "I don't know, we were talking about it and it was like…it helped. Being with you, I mean. It helped me remember…I don't know. That things like that are supposed to be good."

Ryan opened his mouth to speak and all of the sudden found himself unable to. Instead, he leaned forward and impulsively took her mouth in his. The kiss wasn't as passionate as some of their others, but he wasn't really aiming for passionate. He didn't know how to put in words what she had just given him. He'd always sworn to himself that no matter what, Marissa would never look at him and be afraid of him. Even though it wasn't his fault, Trey had taken that away from them and one of his biggest fears had been they'd never fully get it back. Marissa telling him they'd at least been able to get that much back and giving him the credit for it…it was more than he could take without expressing it somehow.

Marissa closed her eyes and kissed him back, cupping his face in her hands. She knew Ryan; she knew it was hard for him to say some things. She knew this was his way of "telling" her things he couldn't say out loud and she'd reached a point where that was okay with her. Maybe it was better to be showed how one felt than to be told, anyway.

Ryan finally broke off the kiss and leaned his forehead against hers. "Marissa…" he said huskily.

"Ssssh." She put her finger against his lips. "I know."

Ryan looked into her eyes and knew that she DID know. Smiling slightly, he wordlessly pulled her into his arms and held her for a quiet moment. "So what does this mean for us now?" he asked at length. Marissa raised her head to look at him in confusion. He flushed a little. "I mean…we've both said we don't regret what happened but was it just the one night because we thought you were leaving…?"

"Ryan," Marissa laughed a little, pushing him down on the pillows and leaning over him, coming to where their lips were less than an inch from touching. "There is no WAY we're going to stop doing that."

Ryan laughed out loud in surprise and pleasure at her boldness, but he was quickly cut off by her blending her mouth with his. As the kiss when they'd first entered the pool house had been, this kiss was different than the ones they'd shared before making love. Whereas there had always been a kind of excitement for the unknown and wariness to take it any further before, there was the anticipation of what was known now. There was a freedom in knowing they weren't going to stop themselves this time.

"You know," Marissa murmured between kisses, letting her hand drift down to unbutton his jeans "some people think the second kiss can be better than the first."

"Is that so," Ryan barely managed to get out, sucking in his breath as Marissa's mouth moved to his jaw line.

"Mmm hmmm." Marissa moved her hands to gently grasp the hem line of his shirt; he quickly sat up so she could take it off with ease. "I wonder," she mumbled, rising to her knees and wrapping her arms around his neck "if that could apply to this too?"

Ryan grinned. "I guess we should probably get on finding that out immediately," he said in a mock serious tone. Marissa's giggle was cut off by his insistent kiss. He was making his way down to the hem line of her shirt when she suddenly caught his hands.

"Wait," she said a little breathlessly. At that particular moment in time Ryan's foggy mind could barely comprehend the meaning of the word, let alone why they would want to do it. "The pool house. Anyone can walk in, namely Seth."

"What?" Ryan repeated dumbly before his mind snapped somewhat back into order. "Oh, I locked it." He flushed a little as she raised her eyebrow playfully at him. "When we were by it a minute ago," he finished lamely.

Marissa shook her head teasingly. "First you put a cot in the hut and now you lock the door as we walk into places. Confident much, Atwood?"

"I prefer to think of it as hopeful," Ryan responded earnestly. She broke into giggles and wrapped her arms around him again, returning her mouth to his. They kissed passionately again, pausing only long enough for him to slip off her shirt. He almost swallowed his tongue when he confirmed she wasn't wearing a bra like he suspected. He lifted his eyes to hers; she smiled coyly and shrugged.

"Didn't say I wasn't hopeful too," she breathed into his ear. Ryan started to laugh, then almost passed out when her tongue flicked against his ear lobe. "God, this may kill me at one point," he breathed. "But I don't even care."

"Mmmm, neither do I," Marissa giggled, returning to his mouth. Quick dispatch was made of the rest of their clothing and Ryan gently laid Marissa against the pillows of his bed. She reached out to bring his face back to hers, but he surprised her by scooting down her and pressing soft, gentle kisses to her abdomen. Taken by surprise, she giggled at the action.

Ryan looked up at the sound of her happy giggle and the site of her face, her smile a mile wide and her beautiful blue eyes shining with all the feelings she had for him, almost took his breath away. There had been a point where he hadn't thought he'd really be able to make her smile again, even dark, irrational thoughts that he was the reason she wasn't smiling. To see her like this…it made everything worth it.

Marissa noticed the change in his demeanor from playful to serious; the passion in his eyes caused her to suck her breath in. Suddenly urgent, she reached for his face to pull him level with her and closed her eyes as his body blanketed hers.

* * *

_What did Marissa say she wanted again?_ Ryan pondered as he stood in front of the fridge. She'd wanted something chocolate- he had that covered with the brownies Sandy and Kirsten had gotten at the store recently- and she wanted something else a little more substantial, she'd said.

"Try chicken sandwiches with the leftover chicken."

Ryan jumped at the sudden sound of Seth's voice and whirled to find him standing in the doorway of the kitchen watching him mildly. "You scared the hell out of me," he breathed, his heart still pounding.

Seth shrugged unrepentantly in that unique way only he could make endearing as opposed to annoying and moved past him to sit on one of the kitchen stools. "So, the post-sex meal, huh?" he commented casually. Ryan shook his head and smiled in front of himself. "Like I said, chicken sandwiches."

Ryan eyed him warily, then shrugged. It was as good an idea as any. He grabbed the chicken, a jar of mayonnaise, and some lettuce out of the fridge and placed it on the counter, then went to hunt out the bread and a tomato. "Notice how I'm not asking you why you're so certain about that," he said dryly, setting up a sandwich station. "Because I don't want to know."

"So you're freakily un-curious about stuff and that means I have to be like that too?" Seth protested. "It's only human, dude."

Ryan looked up at the ceiling for a minute. Why did he bother? "Have you heard from Summer?" he changed the subject, busily preparing two sandwiches. "How's Marissa's mom?"

Seth shrugged. "Summer's back at her house now. She said Julie's sleeping as heavily as her stepmother does- which is really not that comforting when I think about it. But she's still asleep and looks down for the night." He became a little more serious. "How's Marissa with all this?"

Ryan sighed. "I think she's still okay. She says she is. I think she's just tired of it, you know? Her parents haven't really acted like parents in a long time. I used to think it was more her mother, but looking back…"

"….at least her mom sticks around and keeps an eye on what she's doing," Seth finished for him; Ryan nodded in agreement. Suddenly, he frowned as he watched Ryan work. "Dude, are you seriously working out exactly how much tomato and mayo to put on her sandwich? After asking me about her MOTHER?"

Ryan paused, realizing that's exactly what he'd been doing. "What's your point?" he asked defensively.

Seth shook his head sadly, getting up off the stool. "It's painful sometimes, how whipped you are," he said mournfully, making his way out of the kitchen.

"I am not…." Ryan started to protest, but Seth was already gone. He sighed ruefully again and finished up the sandwiches, then put all the supplies away, ignoring the part of his brain that was telling him Seth had a point. He carefully juggled the food as he made his way back out to the pool house. All the disgruntled thoughts flew out of his head as soon as he re-entered- Marissa was standing in the kitchen getting sodas ready. Wearing only his wifebeater and her underwear. _She IS trying to kill me_, Ryan dazedly decided, not much more upset at the thought than he had been earlier.

Marissa looked up as he came in the pool house and smiled- entirely too innocently, in Ryan's opinion. "Oooh, food," she said excitedly. "I'm starving." She raised her brows when he said nothing. "What?"

'Like you even have to ask wearing that," Ryan managed to get out, surprised he made it to the kitchen area to put the food down.

A smile played at the edge of Marissa's lips; she'd had a feeling he'd…enjoy the outfit. "What, you don't like it?" she asked innocently.

"That definitely is not the thought going through my mind right now," Ryan said emphatically. Marissa giggled, then squealed as he grabbed her by the waist and held her from behind, kissing her neck. "I gotta say, you look much better in my clothes than I do," he murmured, wrapping his arms more fully around her waist.

"I reserve the right to disagree," Marissa smiled contentedly, leaning back into him and rocking. "So what'd you bring me?"

"Chicken sandwiches and brownies," Ryan answered, kissing her neck again before letting her go. "And I got taunted by Seth in doing so, so be grateful."

Marissa laughed. "I am grateful. You remembered chocolate and it looks like you remembered how I like my sandwich," she commented as she inspected the food. She looked up at his lack of response and raised her brows curiously at the flush that was creeping up the back of Ryan's neck. "What?"

"Nothing," Ryan muttered before quickly changing the subject. "Let's have a picnic in bed," he suggested.

Marissa grinned a little to herself; her boyfriend's newfound romantic streak was so incredibly cute, but she didn't think he was quite open enough to be called cute yet. "Sounds good," she agreed, grabbing her plate and drink as Ryan juggled his own and the brownies.

Ryan noticed the empty condom wrapper on the floor as they settled on the bed and shook his head, smiling wryly. "We're going to have to invest in more of these," he said lightly, picking up the wrapper and tossing it in the trashcan by his bed.

Marissa shrugged. "I was just going to make an appointment with my doctor." He looked up at her in surprise and she frowned in confusion. "Well, we have established that this is going to become a regular thing," she teased lightly. "It's easier to just go on the pill."

"I wouldn't have asked because I didn't want to put it on you, but it probably would be easier," Ryan admitted, for some reason enjoying this conversation. They sounded like such a normal couple, dealing with normal couple things. He leaned in to kiss her cheek and she absently smiled at him as she lifted her sandwich to her mouth. "Oh, I talked to Seth about your mom," he remembered. "He'd talked to Summer. She's okay; Summer thinks she's out for the night." He figured the stepmother comment wouldn't be appreciated so he kept mum about that.

Marissa smiled gratefully at him. "Thanks for that. I figured she'd sleep through the night, but it's good to know for sure." They kept on talking about various things, from school to her mom to Seth and Summer to plans of things to do in the upcoming year. As they talked, they both felt the shift in their relationship. For the first time since perhaps their relationship had started, their problems weren't internal and dragging them down as a couple. They both had problems, but they were dealing with them together. They had taken huge steps forward, both emotionally and physically. Ryan and Marissa had finally grown up.

**The End**


End file.
